Our Life, My Way

Chasing Bunny Rabbits and Dreams

Today my Dad and I took the little guy to a park that is known to be the home of several rabbits. I thought he would simply enjoy seeing the rabbits and getting a chance to run around, but as I watched my little rabbit chaser I saw a unique life lesson. See, no matter how close this little bundle of energy got to the rabbits, they always stayed one hop ahead of him, constantly staying out of his grasp. But for about 2 hours he kept trying, laughing and having a ball the entire time. He never got frustrated that they wouldn’t hop into his arms. In fact, he thought the challenge to be an interesting game,

My son simply enjoys the process of learning and living life to its fullest. Yes he has goals in mind and he tries hard to reach those goals, but more importantly, he values the process. While he really wanted to catch a rabbit, he enjoyed feeding the rabbits, watching them hop away, chasing them, and finding new rabbits around the corner. While trying to catch a rabbit, he learned that they live in holes in the ground, they eat carrots, they poop little balls (somehow everything in my life revolves around poop), and they are faster than he is. 

You may think I am looking too far into a simple outing with rabbits, but my son is quite studious. He spends hours a day with his nose in books, reading to his stuffed animals, reading to me, and having me read to him. When he saw me writing something on paper, he spent 45 minutes (an eternity for a toddler) trying to copy what I wrote. He even got angry when I stopped helping him write the letters of the alphabet. He is overjoyed when he can show that he recognizes letters or words. But more importantly, he enjoys the process of learning to read. He is having so much fun learning how to read that it doesn’t matter to him that reading by himself is consistently just out of his reach. With an attitude like that, he is bound to succeed in life.

I am constantly amazed by how much I learn from my son. Today I have learned to stop worrying so much about “catching” my goals because the true measure of success is in how much fun you have getting there.

If I Only Knew

I feel like I prepared myself pretty well for the task of raising children. I studied to become an elementary school teacher, I taught 3^rd grade Sunday School, I led classes that helped grieving children, I taught preschool kids, I volunteered in elementary school classrooms, I led the children’s martial arts classes, and I was a nanny. Based on all of this experience, I felt confident in my ability to provide a solid foundation for any child. Like most first time mothers, I made my game plan while I was pregnant.

Our perfect little family would sit by the fire and read Bible stories every night and we would pray as a family.

In reality, I haven’t even made it to church since our little guy has been born because of his nap schedule plus I don’t want to leave him with anyone besides family before he can talk. After he goes to bed, I spend another 2-3 hours cleaning. By the end of it all I am too exhausted to d anything but crawl into bed. Sometimes I don’t even make it to the bed.

My children would not watch TV (at least not before they entered preschool and then it would be limited to 30 minutes a day).

Oh what a joke! I don’t know what I was thinking. Sesame Street is the ONLY reason I get anything done around here.

My child would have a sophisticated palette because we would feed him the wide range of foods from around the world that we enjoy. He certainly would never eat McDonalds.

Come on. This guy doesn’t eat anything. I read all the books from the “experts” that say your child won’t starve himself. Well, they don’t know MY kid. He went from the 90^th percentile in weight to the 5^th percentile in a little over a year. When I finally find something that he will eat, I stock up on it. Then he decides he won’t eat that anymore either. I am pulling my hair our trying to bulk this kid up.

I would be so organized and on the ball that I would still have time to pursue my many hobbies.

24 hours is not enough time in a day. Even when I do organize things, my little one decides they should be put somewhere else and doesn’t bother to tell me.

My child would certainly never be that bratty kid throwing a temper tantrum in the store.

Ok, so before I had a kid I always thought this was the parent’s fault and the kid just needed a little discipline. Boy was I wrong. Tantrums are a normal part of parenthood. Luckily, I have found a way to minimize the tantrums I deal with from my little guy, but I still know that being tired or hungry can set him off.

Since I had potty trained other children already, potty training my own child would be a breeze.

I am finding problems with potty training a boy that I never had with girls. Plus, my guy will tell me he has to go (actually he shows me. He doesn’t speak too well yet) and I will take off the diaper and sit him on his potty, only to have him stand up immediately and run around the house with me trying desperately to put a diaper back on before everything comes out.

Although I knew how to do the Heimlich maneuver on infants and children, I would never need it because I would watch him every second and would only give him food that I knew he could easily swallow.

I can’t tell you how many times I have dislodged food from my little one’s airway. I can’t turn my back for a second. And he is so quick about finding something that he shouldn’t have and sneaking it into his mouth. I’ve done the finger sweep so man times just because he was too quite. Sure enough, he had something in his mouth that he shouldn’t have had.

I would give my son all the attention he wanted, even if that meant dropping everything to play.

Sorry kiddo. I love my son and give him plenty of attention. But he is not the only person in this family, and others depend on me too. I usually involve him in my chores, like folding laundry, but he cannot help cook dinner yet and I can’t stop just because he wants me too. Now that reality has set in, I feel that it is healthier this way. It is a good start in teaching him that the world does not revolve around him.

I would never have to deal with finding a rotting sandwich under the seat because my son would never be allowed to eat in the car.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to get somewhere when my little guy was hungry. The kid hardly eats anything, so when he wants to eat, I let him. And yes, that means finding rotting food in the car.

My son would sit down to eat 3 small meals and 2 snacks everyday. He would never be allowed to eat and play at the same time.

He usually sits down for his 3 meals, but if I had him sit at the table for his snacks too we would be chained to the house. It just doesn’t work that way. This must have been another one of those things suggested by the “experts”. Well, I was an expert too before I had a kid, and look how wrong I was about everything.

Marriage Counseling

With today's divorce rate, people have come to believe that marriages are "for better or else" rather than sticking it through thick and thin. Now don't get me wrong, I totally understand why marriages fail, especially when children are in the picture. Both parties feel over worked and under appreciated, and life as you once knew it is turned upside down. But I am still old fashioned and don't think divorce is an option except for a very few circumstances. Lately, John and I both have been learning to deal with the stresses of life, family, and toddlerhood with a strong commitment to our marriage. Just like most couples, we have had our ups and downs as we each feel misunderstood.

Recently, we had been trying to work out new guidelines for every day living. Now, I don't want to give you the wrong idea. This was a very calm discussion, one that most couples need to retouch on every now and then. We both feel over worked, under appreciated, and neither of us has time to pursue desired activities. But right in the middle of our discussion we realized it was time to put the little tyke to bed. As usual, we all went to lay on the big bed until our little one became super drowsy or fell asleep. 

Usually, we have one or two games we all play in the big bed. We sing songs, play clapping games, chase shadows, we even play counting games. Our little guy will usually give us a kiss if we ask. He will pucker up and say "Mmmmmmwah". On this day when we asked for a kiss, he gave us one and then felt that it was important for Mommy and Daddy to kiss, so he pushed our faces together while saying "Mmmmmmmwah". John and I both laughed, as our little one made us kiss again, and again, and again. This game went on for about 10 minutes. And the funny thing is, all of our hurt feelings and bitterness disappeared. We laughed, loved and remembered why we got married. I think if everyone had a marriage counselor for a son, there would be far fewer divorces. Our son made us put aside our differences and remember that we love each other, and nothing else matters. How profound! What a lesson to learn from a baby that isn't even 18 months yet!

Every night since we have been playing the marriage counselor game. And every night we have been reminded that we love each other very much and will work through anything together. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful family.

Old Remedies, New Mother

There are so many questions new mothers have. You want to provide the best for your little one, but you don’t always know how. You get conflicting messages from friends, family and even strangers. Well, my Grandma always seemed to know what to do. I often turn to my memories of how Grandma handled situations to help my little guy when he gets hurt, sick, or opinionated (read temper tantrum).

I remember when I had chicken pox. I was 14 years old and my Grandma often  mentioned that it was the worst case that she had ever seen. She stayed by my side day and night. She would spend hours gently rubbing my back until I finally slept. She rubbed Caladryl lotion all over me, several times a day to help stop the itch. But I mostly remember her drawing an “oatmeal bath” for me at 3am several nights in a row to relieve the itchiness. Grandma always made me feel better, even if there wasn’t much she could do. She stayed by my side and tried everything she knew how. Some things worked, and some things didn’t. But the love always came through in everything she did.

So, when my little guy had a really bad case of diaper rash, I turned to my memories of Grandma’s remedies to help him out. We  had a diaper rash ointment at home, but it wasn’t working. I asked my husband to get the brand that my Grandma always used on us grandkids on his way home from work. But in the mean time, my baby was miserable and he cried to Mommy to help. I remembered the oatmeal baths my Grandma used to give me and how much relief they provided. So I immediately started getting the bath ready.

My little guy sat in the tub with the water filling around him as I dumped in the oatmeal. Well, apparently the oatmeal bath that Grandma gave me was not the Quaker brand. I poured an entire canister of Quaker oats into the tub, surrounding our baby with cholesterol fighting goodness. The water turned muddy and paste like, and the oats sank to the bottom. It wasn’t until then that I realized something wasn’t right. How would I drain the tub? It took about 30 minutes, but I finally got the oats out of the tub using a colander. I just knew my Grandma was watching me from heaven and laughing harder than she had before. 

We always had a way of making each other laugh and I guess I’m still doing my part. I guess I should have paid closer attention to her old home remedies. I got it eventually, but I could have saved so much time if I had paid closer attention. At least I picked up the most important lesson on how to make people feel better. The love comes through in every thing I do, even the blunders.

Mother's Day Then and Now

As a child I was always so proud to show my Mom how special she was on Mother's Day. I would make her breakfast, a homemade gift, and then we all went out as a family. It was perfect; just what any Mom would want. At least that's the way it was in my mind. It was really more like this. I would wake up super early to make breakfast. But I couldn't find the pans I needed and would wake my Mom up simply clanging dishes together in the cupboards trying to find the right pan. Then, I wouldn't be able to find some very needed ingredient and would go into my parent's room to ask Dad where the necessary ingredient was. Mom would always pretend to be asleep, but I'm pretty sure she wasn't. Then I usually broke a dish or three. And right about then, the house would fill with smoke and the fire alarm sounded. Ok this only happened once, but it did happen. Time to wake up Mom. Breakfast is ready. 

After powering down a burned breakfast, my Mom cleaned up my mess in the kitchen while I got dressed. But she never complained. She always thanked me for the wonderful breakfast. Before we left, I would give her my gift. She always looked so happy to receive my fine jewelry. She LOVED wearing my pasta necklaces dripping with glue and glitter. At least that's that what she had me believe. In reality, she vacuumed everyday for a week just to get the fallen glitter out of the carpet. I'm pretty sure she had to throw away a shirt or two because of the glue. Then we would go out to do something as a family, which usually meant something fun for me; the park, the beach, etc. Finally, after a day of play, we would come home, and Mom would cook dinner. At the end of the day, Mom always thanked me for such a wonderful Mother's Day. 

It wasn't until I became a Mother that I realized how much my Mom put up with on Mother's Day. I just had my dream Mother's Day (don't tell my Mom, she'll be jealous). My hubby woke up early with our baby so I could sleep in. I got to sleep until 10am! When does that ever happen? Then I leisurely got dressed and opened a wonderful gift. My little toddler got me a digital camcorder. Not sure where he got the money, but it was an awesome gift. He even signed his name to my card ;)

Finally we went to visit the Grandparents where we had a wonderful meal brought in from a local restaurant. And I had the best of both worlds. I got to be with my little guy and rest at the same time while he played with his Grandparents. 

What a wonderful Mother's Day. But I still have a lot to learn from my Mom. She put herself aside, on her own day just to boost my self esteem and my sense of giving. She put on a smile at my attempt to do nice things for her, even though it made more work. She even wore my pasta jewelry out of the house to show how much she appreciated my attempt at getting her a gift. That is the true power of a Mother. Even on Mother's Day she thought of me before herself. Kids can teach you a lot, but this was a lesson I learned from my Mom... it just didn't register in my brain until after I had a kid.

Husbands are Toddlers Too

The day my baby began walking is the day that he began throwing temper tantrums daily. It was common to see him throw himself onto the floor, body shaking, and screaming at the top of his lungs, all because I wanted him to get dressed, or I said no, or I simply couldn't understand his language. I've tried everything to stop the tantrums. I mean if he is going to do this before he is 2, what are the terrible twos going to be like? We did time outs, ignoring the behavior, giving him attention when he is good, making sure he is well rested, leaving fun outings during melt downs, telling him no in a firm voice. Nothing helped, until 3 days ago.

Three days ago, I happened to buy a collection of rubber stamps. It came with 2 ink pads and 17 rubber stamps with different animals on them. Our little one loves animals, and he loves stickers, so I thought he might like stamps too. Well, since that outing went off without a single tear or scream, I decided to give him a stamp and let him choose between two animals. I told him he got that because he was a good boy and didn't scream or cry. He was so proud of himself. He showed me that stamp all through out our next stop. At that stop there was no screaming, so he got another stamp. This reward system has gone on for 3 days. He has been so much more cooperative and my ears have had a well deserved break. Our little guy has even begun helping me pick up his toys at night and laughs excitedly when he gets his stamp for the good deed.

The turn around in our toddler's behavior got me to thinking about how I can apply this knowledge to other people, including my husband. All it took was a little recognition for what our guy did right to get him to want to be good more often. My husband is the same way. He really does a lot for this family and does it without the recognition he deserves. My hubby sacrifices time with our little one, seeing all of his first achievements, hearing his laughter every day to go to work so that I can stay home. He deals with work related stress and headaches all day. Then he fights traffic so we can live in an area that we love. And after all that, he comes home and plays with our baby even though he is exhausted and hungry. He even watches our baby on weekends and takes him out of the house so I can rest, shower, and regain my sanity. If I don't start recognizing all he does then he may start having temper tantrums. Yup, he's a pretty good guy. I think I'll go get him an "I love you" stamp.

The Wife's Word, the True Word, the Last Word

So my hubby seems to have a skewed sense of how things really work. $20 and hour for a babysitter? Who gets that much? And how do I apply for that job? Babysitters get $10 and hour. Yeah, maybe it would be quicker and cheaper to go to the movie by yourself, but how can you put a price on the time that we would spend together solidifying our marriage? People spend thousands of dollars to reconnect with their loved ones at special camps. I'm asking for a few hours to talk to my husband about something other than poopie diapers. He is always bummed that I am not interested in the same things as he is, so you think he would be happy I am taking an interest in his nerd movie. 

And what's this I hear about hot dogs and cheeseburgers? Dude with your high blood pressure you NEED me there to make you eat better. I am a pro at sneaking food into a theatre. I would make food at home just to keep you on track. I mean come on, you are worried about a little extra money for date night, but how much would a stint in the hospital from a heart attack cost?

So, my hubby learned his accounting from Enron, but he shouldn't feel bad about seeing a movie by himself. If I'm not worth 5 hours of his time, I'm sure I can fill that time slot with talking to his mother about how he ditched me and his baby.

The TRUE Price of Marriage

Hey folks. This is "The Husband"...

Okay, so let's talk about how much marriage costs. You'd think, maybe marriage just means single life x 2 in terms of money...maybe x 3.... But you would be mistaken, my friend... But first, let me set up the story...

Okay...so some of you may know that the movie "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" just came out. Now its a nerdy type of movie. I admit it. But you know what? I want to see it. I read Xmen as a kid, and it seems like a lot of fun. Plus, its an action flick with explosions and fighting. After watching Sesame Street and Elmo, I need some good ol' fashioned movie violence! The ads make it look totally badass. So every time I see an ad, I say "I'm going to see that movie".

Now I don't get to see a lot of movies. I'm married, have a baby, and work alot. So it doesn't fit into the schedule. But I wanted to see this! So again, every time I saw the ad, I said "I want to see that movie".

Now here was the PLAN....I'd go during my lunch hour, on a mellow day at work. It would probably be a matinee' price. Maybe I'd splurge and get a hotdog there and a diet coke. So we're talking...what? 20 bucks? Maybe 25? Heck, maybe I just woulda grabbed a double cheeseburger or two from Burger King...that would make it closer to 15. But let's say 25 bucks. 2 hour movie, 1 hour to drive to the theater and back...3 hours out of my day, and 25 bucks. Not bad...

So one time I saw an ad and I said "I want to see that movie"...and then the worst thing happened. My wife was there. She said "You know, I don't get to spend alot of time with you. I'll go see it with you." Uhhh...there went my ability to see the movie. My dreams were utterly destroyed now.

First...if I go during lunch, I can see it during opening week because everyone will be at work or in school. With my wife, that means when I get home for work or a weekend, so its PACKED! So automatically I gotta wait 3 weeks MINIMUM before I can see it, so there's no huge crowd (and obnoxious people jabberin' on cell phones in the theater). 3 weeks automatically added. And now let's look at the real cost.

Ticket price? Matinee's maybe what? 7.50? Now we got 2 regular tickets...so that's 20 bucks right there...maybe more. And what? We need a babysitter, right? That's 20 bucks an hour. So that's 60 bucks right there, right? Well gosh, since we got a babysitter, I know she's going to say "Hey, its like we're on a date...let's go out to dinner." That means maybe sushi...that's what? Another 80 bucks? Plus with dinner, that's ANOTHER 1.5-2 hours for the babysitter, so that's now up to 100 bucks. And what if my wife wants candy or a soda in the theater?!?!! Oh geez! Another 10 bucks easy.

So we went from 3 hours total in the middle of my work day during opening week to now, I gotta wait 3 weeks, and need to plan 1 hour for travel, 2 hours for dinner, and 2 hours for the movie...so 5 hours...plus wait around for the babysitter, prep the house so she's got food for herself and the baby, etc etc. Now granted, this latter part, my wife would probably do. But she'll give me the evil eye for not helping...so before we leave for the movie, I'm already in the doghouse!

You know what happens when we stand in line? She'll say "Oh look, <insert girlie movie> is playing! You sure you don't want to see that?" But let's assume that SOMEHOW, I stick to my guns, and manage to get into Wolverine...after waiting 3 weeks...

So from 25 bucks for JUST me...its now 100 for babysitter, 10 bucks for candy/soda, 80 bucks for sushi, and 20 for the movie. About 210 dollars. And you know what happens with that 210 bucks?!?!! Throughout the whole movie, I get to hear my wife say how stupid the movie is! "Oh God, you like this?", "Oh geez, another explosion?", "Listen to that corny dialogue!"....so I really don't get to enjoy the movie. PLUS, we'll both be worried about our child the whole time too, so I still can't get into the movie now.

So really, I don't get to enjoy the movie. If I was alone, I could quietly (after the movie is over), and if no one is looking, stare into a mirror in the lobby, make some angry faces, flex some muscles, and feel like "Yeah...I'm totally badass like Wolverine." I'd stand proud and feel all energized. BOOYA! Granted, guys do this in secret, when no one is watching, but its a guy thing. You're all amped up! But now, after missing all the good dialogue, if my wife catches me posing, I'll hear "Oh God! I married a nerd!". "Ma'am, that's NERD-American!"

Sigh...and you know what happens on the drive back? "So, now that we saw your movie, when can we do this again and see one of my movies?" 210 bucks TIMES 2...BOOYA!

So let's examine this. 25 bucks single...equals 420 bucks married. THAT's married math. Live with it. Sigh...

Shit Happens: Be Prepared and Learn to Catch It

Welcome to our blog. My husband and I will invite you along on our journey in marriage, children, and middle age. John will be writing the Daddy view, and I'll tell the right view ... mine. With life as chaotic as it is with a toddler, we can not promise posts every day, but we will at least post once a week.

As a mother, every day is a challenge and every day is a learning experience. But I never realized just how much I learned from my toddler until he taught me that there is more than one way to catch shit...

One evening my husband and I were giggling as we watched our little guy play in the bath. We had just washed him and he had decided that Momma and Dadda needed a bath too. So the splashing ensued. We were having so much fun watching as he splashed over and over with such enthusiasm and vigor. And then he stopped. The water stopped flying through the air. Suddenly, the room was still.

Bubbles started to rise out of the bath tub at an alarming rate. His backside temporarily looked like it was in a hot tub turned to full blast. "Oh God", I thought. "He's gonna poo!". Panic stricken I began barking orders, after all isn't that what Mom's do? "Pick him up!", I yelled, "Don't let him poo in the tub, then we'll have to wash him again". As if having to refill the tub with clean water and rewash our baby would somehow be the undoing of the world as we know it. After all, we are in a drought. Somehow, this one feat would undo all of the water wasting crimes this household has ever committed. Lifting our toddler out of the tub was the key to our pardon. 

Like a good soldier, my husband quickly picked him up, no questions asked...verbally. And then there was the stare. It was the "now what" stare. I saw the fear. He looked like a deer in the headlights; eyes wide and glossy, mouth slightly open, not daring to breath. "Bring him into the play room and get a diaper on him" I ordered. Now, sitting in your comfy chair, laughing at my expense, you may have wondered why I didn't have John hold the little Poopie Monster over the toilet (which incidentally was right next to the bath tub). Let me just say, its true that you never know what you'll do in any given situation until you are there. Unfortunately, in my panicked state the thought never occurred to me. I just knew that diapers catch poo, and I needed one now.

So there we were, my husband holding our baby up while I fumbled with the diaper, the Poopie Monster straining to accomplish his mission to the best of his ability. PLOP! There it went. Right onto the carpet. A little poopie just staring back at us, flaunting our failure in front of us. Shit happened, and we didn't know what to do.

Had I been prepared for the unexpected, I would have realized that there is more than one way to catch and contain poo. Yes the diaper works wonders most of the time, but why didn't I think of the toilet? I mean isn't our goal to eventually get him to do his business in the toilet anyway? I was so caught off guard that I couldn't think of any other solution. 

When life throws problems your way, there are typically multiple ways to deal with it. You can panic, like I did and have a life full of shit, or you can prepare yourself and  think of ways to contain it. Did you get passed up for that all important promotion? Maybe you should ask your supervisor what they are looking for and work toward that goal. Perhaps you need to bite the bullet and finish that college degree. Or maybe it is as simple as letting people know that you are interested in the position and giving more face time in the office. Or perhaps you can volunteer for the "shit jobs". That way you have control of the shit that runs into your life and you can better contain it than if it were flung at you like a monkey would do in a zoo. Plus you gain promotion points in the eyes of your supervisors when you volunteer for the jobs no body wants. 

You can't run from life's problems. They will always find you. The trick is to find multiple solutions to a problem and work toward those solutions to contain the problem. If one solution doesn't work, try another. Keep trying, keep learning, and keep preparing, and maybe all of the shit in your life will be contained in a nice, neat, no mess, no smell diaper pail.