Our Life, My Way

Real quotes...

Husband here. First of all...does anyone out there think its only COINCIDENCE that marital and martial look so much alike? Love is war. Plain and simple.

Here are some real quotes from my wife. They weren't jokes. They weren't sarcastic. They were heartfelt statements...

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In a discussion about how I need some "me time" to unwind she said:

"You get me-time!"

"When?!?!!", I asked.

"On your commute to and from work!"

That's right folks. Rush hour traffic is just like a day in the spa...

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"You have work! That's your place! I'm the boss in this house!"

Oh. Okay. I get told what to do and get yelled at...at work... So its only right that I get told what to do and get yelled at...at home... Where exactly am >I< the boss? Ummm...apparently when I commute...but ONLY alone, because if she's in the car, I still get told I'm wrong (ie: "You shouldn't have honked your horn, that was your fault...").

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Now our Costco card is in her name. So I need HER to go, if I want anything. But she tends to go when I'm not around. I questioned her why before...

"Because you buy stuff that's not in our budget"

"Yes, but I pay for it with MY own money that's separate from the grocery budget!" I said

"Well its not in our budget!"

Do you see how illogical she is? Because if you do...multiply that by 20...and you're still not even close.

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A few years back:

"We need to get rid of your sofa and chair."

"I love them! They're so comfortable! Why?" I ask.

"Because we don't have enough room!" she stated.

Okay. I got rid of them.

Since then, we've bought a chair for her, a bigger sofa, and a mini-playhouse for our son in our living room. Neither the chair nor the sofa are even CLOSE to being as comfortable as the ones I had.

"Ummm...I thought we didn't have room"

Her answer... "Well I need them!"

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Last weekend, I slept late. We were going to the grocery store later that day. I finally get woken up around 9:30am by her. She'd been up for awhile.

"We're late. I wanted to go grocery shopping earlier! Get dressed."

OH! OKAY! "I'm sorry!" I get dressed in a hurry. I see we're running OTHER errands instead when we leave.

"What happened to groceries?" I asked.

"You slept too late. I don't have time now. We'll have to do it later this afternoon."

We argue back and forth about time availability then. So finally I ask...

"So you can do these errands on your own. Why'd I get dressed?!?! Why am I here?"

"I don't know..." she replied.

Please bare in mind, I have no idea why these errands couldn't be done while I was unconscious. 

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There's a reason why married men explain to single guys, how marriage is a "different kind" of happiness. Not the kind where you can do what you want, or have someone to support you. More like the kind where you're constantly given reasons why you're wrong by someone who is apparently <insert animal> <insert waste product> CRAZY! Looney toons! 

But husbands...and men yet to be married... do not fear. You can feel better in knowing that your wife will eventually explain to her girlfriends that she's "trained" you. Oh joy. 

Marriage...a non-equal equality...

Husband here... just my opinion... You don't have to share it. Not sure my wife does. :)

You can't have 2 leaders. Period. You need a tie-breaker. You can't be in a situation where 2 people argue, and have equal input into something. Its worthless. One person will finally "give-in" just to hurry along and if they're wrong, they'll need to own up to it. If they were right but gave in, then it just sews seeds of discontent. This is why hierarchy's form a pyramid instead of a tree... Fewer people up top to run things.

I see this problem where I work all the time. I see it in marriage too. I think the only possible thing to do, is for the spouses to AGREE where they are experts. My wife is an expert in many fields where I am not. And vice versa. So in an ideal world, you let the  "expert" lead, and the "follower" simply gives their viewpoint without belaboring the issue (ie: arguing). The expert then can choose to take that viewpoint into consideration or dismiss it, and boldly go forth and lead. 

The problem is, its hard to determine who's an expert. 

That's why when we go and do something, and I don't really care about it, I like to boldly state "Okay, you're the leader on this". I've started this recently, hoping to avoid scenario's like:

ME: "Hm. Its dinner time. Where do you want to go?"

WIFE: "I don't care. Wherever you want is fine by me."

ME: "Ok. How about burgers?"

WIFE: "No, I'm not in a burger mood. How about something else?"

ME: "Ummm...pizza? I'm totally craving pizza."

WIFE: "Nawww...too greasy. How about something else?"

ME: "ARGH! I give up. You choose."

WIFE: "No, you choose. I don't care..."

ME: "WHAT?!?!!!"

<I bang my head on a nearby wall and scream obscenities...I take a verb, then an animal, then a biological waste product, and try to string them together...I call it my frustration Mad Libs>

Now this is pretty innane. But what about cars? She knows some things I don't about cars. And vice versa. But she feels like she's an expert. And she definitely knows SOME more overall than me. But I've also had a different set of experiences. So I usually say okay. She's the expert. But the last time we did this, I was right, and she wasn't. 

Now that I think about it...choosing experts is useless. You know what? The husband should just lead. The wife should just be quiet and obey! That would make life better! Sigh...now if I could only my wife to agree to this. Humbug!

Its been awhile...

Husband here. Life's been busy, but I thought I'd post a bit. First... HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2010...wow. That means I'll be writing 2009 on my checks for the next month. Yeesh.

Now most folks will post their new years resolutions. I don't. No need to. Nothing original in it. But I do write it down. Writing down your goals has a magical effect. Some folks believe it is magic. Others believe it uses the subconscious to subtlely affect your choices/decisions to help. Which do I think? Doesn't matter does it? It works. Writing your goals down, and spending time thinking about them daily, will bring more things to you, then you've thought possible.

Okay, now enough with the hippee talk. Let's get down to brass tacks...or tax...or...taq's...whatever. Its an old phrase anyway.

What kind of person are you? You're driving along and come to an intersection. It's a T-bone...with the only options being left and right (or going back, but why do that?). You're trying to get somewhere. Its sunny, but pretty deserted. You forgot which way your destination is, and you have no map. But you do have a cell phone. It'll take you about 10 minutes to get ahold of someone via your phone. Do you go left and hope you chose the right way? Maybe you'll see landmarks that'll jog your memory? Do you go right and hope for the same? Or do you pull over at the intersection, and spend 10 minutes trying to get ahold of someone? 

Now typically, I tend to choose a direction, and give it "10 or 15 minutes" and see if anything clicks...and I call someone while I'm doing it too, but sometimes that option's not available so I just drive one direction. The upside is I might be 10 or 15 minutes ahead if I chose the right direction...or I maybe DOUBLE that amount behind, if I need to backtrack. Some folks just pull over and try it, so they aren't ahead or behind. A friend of mine called this "Shooting from the hip". I prefer action over inaction, even if its a gamble. Now over "Shooting from the hip", I prefer having a definite PLAN. I'd prefer having a map with directions that I looked over BEFORE leaving. But sometimes maps are wrong. I'd prefer having a GPS as well. But sometimes those are wrong too.

I'm just curious whether most people prefer to do a win/lose scenario, or a "neither, stay neutral" scenario. Just something to consider.