Husband here. First of all...does anyone out there think its only COINCIDENCE that marital and martial look so much alike? Love is war. Plain and simple.
Here are some real quotes from my wife. They weren't jokes. They weren't sarcastic. They were heartfelt statements...
---
In a discussion about how I need some "me time" to unwind she said:
"You get me-time!"
"When?!?!!", I asked.
"On your commute to and from work!"
That's right folks. Rush hour traffic is just like a day in the spa...
---
"You have work! That's your place! I'm the boss in this house!"
Oh. Okay. I get told what to do and get yelled at...at work... So its only right that I get told what to do and get yelled at...at home... Where exactly am >I< the boss? Ummm...apparently when I commute...but ONLY alone, because if she's in the car, I still get told I'm wrong (ie: "You shouldn't have honked your horn, that was your fault...").
---
Now our Costco card is in her name. So I need HER to go, if I want anything. But she tends to go when I'm not around. I questioned her why before...
"Because you buy stuff that's not in our budget"
"Yes, but I pay for it with MY own money that's separate from the grocery budget!" I said
"Well its not in our budget!"
Do you see how illogical she is? Because if you do...multiply that by 20...and you're still not even close.
---
A few years back:
"We need to get rid of your sofa and chair."
"I love them! They're so comfortable! Why?" I ask.
"Because we don't have enough room!" she stated.
Okay. I got rid of them.
Since then, we've bought a chair for her, a bigger sofa, and a mini-playhouse for our son in our living room. Neither the chair nor the sofa are even CLOSE to being as comfortable as the ones I had.
"Ummm...I thought we didn't have room"
Her answer... "Well I need them!"
---
Last weekend, I slept late. We were going to the grocery store later that day. I finally get woken up around 9:30am by her. She'd been up for awhile.
"We're late. I wanted to go grocery shopping earlier! Get dressed."
OH! OKAY! "I'm sorry!" I get dressed in a hurry. I see we're running OTHER errands instead when we leave.
"What happened to groceries?" I asked.
"You slept too late. I don't have time now. We'll have to do it later this afternoon."
We argue back and forth about time availability then. So finally I ask...
"So you can do these errands on your own. Why'd I get dressed?!?! Why am I here?"
"I don't know..." she replied.
Please bare in mind, I have no idea why these errands couldn't be done while I was unconscious.
---
There's a reason why married men explain to single guys, how marriage is a "different kind" of happiness. Not the kind where you can do what you want, or have someone to support you. More like the kind where you're constantly given reasons why you're wrong by someone who is apparently <insert animal> <insert waste product> CRAZY! Looney toons!
But husbands...and men yet to be married... do not fear. You can feel better in knowing that your wife will eventually explain to her girlfriends that she's "trained" you. Oh joy.
You're right. Certainly nothing easy about marriage. It took me 14 years to realize that my first one just didn't work out. Some my fault, some hers. Both probably could have tried harder but did not. But I think I got a life-long winner the second time. Heading for 19 years in March 2010 and I think I found some secrets that work for me:
1) Gotta be best of friends first.
2) Always treat with respect & dignity.
3) Never use words that will hurt the other.
4) Cool off & think before discussing issues.
5) Work hard to really listen.
Something else is that I continually remind myself (now this is coming from my Christian beliefs) that I am to love my wife as Christ loved the church. To me, that means I should be able to give all to her...to not demand my way but to be her servant. To do things for her because I want to and to look for ways to make her life easier and happier. Seems to work for me so far. Fortunately, she does not take advantage of this and treats me with respect and dignity.
Since I don't work and when I did it was from home, I have been with my wife 99% of the time every day for at least the past 8 years of our marriage. And amazingly enough I really enjoy it. We are together nearly all of the time but we also both understand that we each have separate as well as together lives. Somehow we have figured out how to be together all of the time and still be our individual selves. Not sure how, but it seems to be working. I hope you can find the path that works best for your lives.
Posted by: Dad | February 24, 2010 at 12:05 AM